One day Stalin decides to go to the cinema in disguise and hear what people are really saying about him. When the newsreel comes on the audience stands up and applauds each time he appears on the screen. Stalin is pleased. Modestly, he himself remains seated. After a few moments the man next to him leans over and whispers “Most people feel the same way you do Comrade, but you’ll be safer if you stand up.”
A lion was becoming rather old and slow and was having trouble catching prey. He decided he needed a disguise so that other animals would not know he was a lion and would therefore not run away.
So he went into a fancy dress shop and bought a gorilla suit. He then headed for a watering hole to see if he could catch something with his cunning disguise. On the way to the hole, he came across two eagles sitting on a rock.
One eagle said: “Hi, Mr Lion.”
The other eagle said: “Where did you get the gorilla suit?”
The lion was devastated. “How did you know I was a lion?” he asked.
The eagles then started to sing: “You can’t hide your lion eyes . . .”
May the grace of the LORD Jesus Christ, and the love of God, and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with you all. (2 Cor. 13:14)
It's a really high profile case, so the chief is all over the lead detective, calling him every few minutes for updates. The detective reviews the security footage and recognizes Mister Mxyzptlk. Not three seconds later the phone rings.
"Detective! I've got the mayor all over my butt on this one! Do we have a suspect yet!?"
"Well, it's hard to say..."
(In case you're wondering, Mister Mxyzptlk was a character in Superman comic books in the 60s. Might still be for all I know.)
Finding a woman sobbing that she had locked her keys in her car a passing soldier assures her that he can help. She looks on amazed as he removes his trousers, rolls them into a tight ball and rubs them against the car door.
Magically it opens....... "That's so clever," the woman gasps. "How did you do it?"
"Easy," replies the soldier. "These are my khakis".