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Post by scott on Dec 3, 2020 16:10:30 GMT
My husband commented on the new store that is being built nearby: “That’s a nice looking Aldi!”
I told him it just looks like Aldi others.
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Post by scott on Dec 5, 2020 15:56:20 GMT
Bonus, 2 fer 1 day.
If 2020 is not bad enough already, I've just read about Dentists planning a national strike next month. We'll just have to brace ourselves.
Q: Why are hairdressers never late for work? A: Because they know all the short cuts!
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Post by M. Hawbaker on Dec 9, 2020 1:24:27 GMT
Breaking news,
President Trump just signed an executive order Banning pre shredded cheese.
He is determined to Make America Grate Again !
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Post by scott on Dec 12, 2020 15:26:45 GMT
“Is this the nostalgia club?”
“Yes...but it isn’t what it used to be...”
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Post by scott on Dec 15, 2020 21:13:26 GMT
This pastor decided to skip church one Sunday morning to play golf.
He told his assistant that he wasn't feeling well then drove to a golf course in another city where nobody would know him.
He teed off on the first hole. A huge gust of wind caught his ball, carried is an extra hundred yards and dropped it right in the hole, for a 450 yard hole in one.
An angel looked at God and said "What did you do that for?" God smiled and said "Who's he going to tell?"
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Post by M. Hawbaker on Dec 16, 2020 0:49:21 GMT
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Post by scott on Dec 16, 2020 18:02:25 GMT
What has 27 actors, three settings, two writers, and one plot?
671 Hallmark movies.
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Post by scott on Dec 19, 2020 22:20:15 GMT
Your groaner of the month.
Did you hear about the new Italian restaurant that just opened in the afterlife?
It's called Pasta Way.
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Post by scott on Dec 21, 2020 19:44:15 GMT
Christmas jokes
How much did Santa pay for his sleigh? Nothing. It was on the house!
How do you help someone who’s lost their Christmas spirit? Nurse them back to elf.
What do you call an elf wearing ear muffs? Anything you want. He can’t hear you!
What nationality is Santa Claus? North Polish.
What do you call a blind reindeer? I have no eye deer.
What do you call an obnoxious reindeer? Rude-olph.
How is Christmas exactly like your job? You do all the work and some fat guy in a suit gets all the credit.
What’s every elf’s favorite type of music? Wrap.
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Post by M. Hawbaker on Dec 23, 2020 1:28:00 GMT
Having shot a moose two hunters began dragging it by the tail to their pick-up. On the way they were stopped by a game warden. "Let me see your hunting licenses boys," he said. When he saw that everything was in order he asked if he could give them some advice. "Sure!" the hunters agreed. "Well boys, I think that you would find it a lot easier to drag that moose by the horns and not the tail." "Aye, O.K. and thanks," said the lads. After about five minutes one said to the other, "Boy, dragging by the horns is sure a lot easier, eh?" "Aye, you're right," said his friend, "but have you noticed that we are getting further away from the truck?"
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Post by scott on Dec 25, 2020 16:20:43 GMT
December's groaner...
What concert only costs 45 cents?
50 Cent featuring NickelBack.
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Post by scott on Jan 11, 2021 16:23:17 GMT
My scientist wife decided to test the hypothesis that more sex would improve our marriage. It's already been a week, and I've concluded that I'm in the control group.
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Post by M. Hawbaker on Jan 13, 2021 21:45:41 GMT
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Post by scott on Jan 16, 2021 15:44:40 GMT
"Do not touch," must be the scariest thing to read in Braille.
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Post by scott on Jan 17, 2021 16:37:54 GMT
Translated from Russian, not by me.
A man sits at the deathbed of his mother-in-law. She suffers very much and cries in agony: "Oh I'm dying!" "It hurts" "I'm gonna die soon" She stops for a seconds and says: "Well at least the weather is nice today"
The man says: "hey dear, don't get distracted!"
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