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Post by scott on May 7, 2020 13:43:47 GMT
One for the kids.
Do you know why we use 'k' instead of 'c' in 'dark'?
Cause we can't c in dark.
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Post by scott on May 8, 2020 13:24:04 GMT
Do not use “beef stew” as a computer password.
It is not Stroganoff.
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Post by scott on May 10, 2020 12:46:45 GMT
The four seasons were arguing about which of them was the best… Winter boasts, "Well, you can build snowmen and the snow is so beautiful. And Christmas!! Everyone loves Christmas!"
Spring laughs, "Well sure, but come springtime, everything is so fresh and new! All the new flowers, it can't get much better than that!"
Summer rays, "Yes, but I am undoubtedly the overall best season! Girls in bikinis, ice cream, nice weather. You can't top that. What about you autumn, what do you have to offer?"
Autumn ~-leaves-
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Post by scott on May 12, 2020 22:56:57 GMT
What do you call a vegetarian viking?
A Norvegan
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Post by scott on May 13, 2020 9:46:30 GMT
Dark humor
Bringing chewing gum to school is like bringing guns to school:
Everyone starts acting like you've been best friends since 1st grade once they see what you have.
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Post by scott on May 14, 2020 21:19:16 GMT
How do you put the pin back in a Grenade?
Quick answers please.
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Post by scott on May 15, 2020 13:56:02 GMT
Not indicative of my home life!
My wife treats me as if I'm a god.
She acts like I don't exist until she wants something.
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Post by scott on May 16, 2020 14:43:01 GMT
One day a mother and her 5 yr old daughter were sitting at a table doing a puzzle. The daughter looks at her mom and says, "Mommy you have such pretty hair, but why is some of it white?"
Smiling the mother tells her, "You see honey, whenever you do something that makes me cry. My hair turns a little more grey."
Hearing this her daughter's jaw drops and her eyes go wide as she asks " MOMMY WHAT DID YOU DO TO NANNA?"
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Post by cricket55 on May 18, 2020 2:05:35 GMT
What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday???
Aye matey.
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Post by scott on May 20, 2020 16:41:05 GMT
My roommate is 2 days younger than me
So I’ve gotten into the habit of saying “when I was your age...” and then describing what I did 2 days ago
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Post by scott on May 21, 2020 16:38:01 GMT
There were three guys named Jackson who were all in the clothing business.
Due to lack of real estate options in their city, they all set up shop next door to each other. In order to convince customers to come to their store rather than one of the other Jacksons, they all put up signs to attract customers.
The one on the left puts up a sign that says "Jackson's clothing store (Best prices!)"
Not to be outdone, the one on the right puts up a sign that says "Jackson's clothing store (Best quality!)
The one in the middle thinks about it for a while, and eventually puts up a sign of his own.
"Jackson's clothing store (Main entrance)."
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Post by scott on May 23, 2020 19:00:03 GMT
I quit my job at McDonald’s today...
The boss was a clown.
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Post by scott on May 24, 2020 12:15:36 GMT
An Overweight Time Traveler goes to ancient Rome and realizes he wore historically incorrect clothes for the trip. Realizing his mistake he visits a toga shop to purchase new clothes. He looks around the shop and realizes they do not have togas big enough to fit him. He goes to the counter and asks the clerk:
Time traveler: Do you have XL togas?
Clerk: Well, yes. But why do you need so many?
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Post by scott on May 25, 2020 14:14:47 GMT
What do you get when you cross a dachshund,a black lab, and a Blue Heeler?
A black and blue wiener.
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Post by scott on May 26, 2020 12:00:05 GMT
It seems like nothing is made in America anymore! They keep outsourcing to cheaper and cheaper places.
I just bought a new TV and it said "built in antenna."
I haven't even heard of that country!
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