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Post by M. Hawbaker on Oct 27, 2023 13:58:15 GMT
I walked into the post office lobby to buy some stamps. A woman was yelling into a large envelope and, perplexed, i asked her what she was doing? She told me she was sending a voicemail
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Post by barb43 on Oct 31, 2023 3:04:33 GMT
Tara: The onion is the only food that makes you cry without eating it.
Farrah: You've obviously never had a coconut fall on your head!
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Bootsy: There's a new documentary out on clocks.
Betsy: It's about time.
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Patient: Doc, you gotta help me - every day I wake up thinking I'm a dog!
Psychologist: Hmmm, well in that case, we can start by you getting off my couch!
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Post by M. Hawbaker on Nov 3, 2023 15:25:43 GMT
How do you fix a broken jack o'lantern?
With a pumpkin patch.
🎃
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Post by M. Hawbaker on Nov 10, 2023 8:43:09 GMT
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Post by barb43 on Nov 11, 2023 14:56:51 GMT
The inventor of the Merry-Go-Round and the inventor of the Ferris Wheel never met each other.
They moved in different circles.
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Post by M. Hawbaker on Nov 11, 2023 16:51:30 GMT
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Post by barb43 on Nov 18, 2023 7:35:54 GMT
I finally did it!
I bought a pair of shoes with memory foam insoles. Now I'll never forget why I walked into the kitchen!
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Post by M. Hawbaker on Nov 18, 2023 15:30:48 GMT
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Post by M. Hawbaker on Dec 18, 2023 16:45:42 GMT
What is it called when a snowman has a temper tantrum?
A meltdown.
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Post by M. Hawbaker on Dec 21, 2023 21:42:47 GMT
What do you call a baby monkey?
A chimp off the old block!
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Post by M. Hawbaker on Dec 22, 2023 14:00:06 GMT
Having shot a moose two hunters began dragging it by the tail to their pick-up. On the way they were stopped by a game warden. "Let me see your hunting licenses boys," he said. When he saw that everything was in order he asked if he could give them some advice. "Sure!" the hunters agreed. "Well boys, I think that you would find it a lot easier to drag that moose by the horns and not the tail." "Aye, O.K. and thanks," said the lads. After about five minutes one said to the other, "Boy, dragging by the horns is sure a lot easier, eh?" "Aye, you're right," said his friend, "but have you noticed that we are getting further away from the truck?"
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Post by M. Hawbaker on Dec 22, 2023 20:58:50 GMT
An old man calls up his son and says, "Listen, your mother and I are getting divorced. Forty-five years of misery is enough." "Dad, what are you talking about?" the son screams. “We can't stand the sight of each other any longer,” he says. "I'm sick of her face, and I'm sick of talking about this, so call your sister in Chicago and tell her," and he hangs up. Now, the son is worried. So he calls up his sister. She says, "Like hell they’re getting divorced!" and calls her father immediately. "You’re not getting divorced! Don't do another thing, the two of us are flying home tomorrow to talk about this. Until then, don't call a lawyer, don't file a paper, DO YOU HEAR ME?” and she hangs up. The old man turns to his wife and says "Okay, they’re coming for Christmas and paying their own airfares."
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Post by M. Hawbaker on Dec 27, 2023 16:37:58 GMT
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Post by M. Hawbaker on Dec 29, 2023 4:01:46 GMT
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Post by M. Hawbaker on Jan 16, 2024 15:07:19 GMT
Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Cow go.
Cow go who?
No, Cow go Moo!
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